Honestly, I don't bite!

*** Please note that these words are merely the ones in my head - they are not meant to make anyone feel bad! This is my therapy - stop reading now if you are one to take Inge personally! ***

There's been a lot of death in the media lately... Many to cancer. I won't name names, you know who they are. I wonder if it's better being dead from cancer and away from worry, or being alive and living with it constantly?

Wow, that's harsh. I guess it's how I feel. Everyone wants you to be positive, which I try to be when I'm with people. Then when you're alone, your thoughts catch up and your mind goes wild. I'm sure I should seek some sort of professional help from a social worker or the like, but I'm trying to battle this on my own. Just like I did my treatments, alone.

Apparently cancer survivors or victims (I'm not entirely sure of the correct term) live a secret life. The life of "what if". What if it's come back? What if it's stage three this time and no way to treat it? What if what if what if!

So now that I'm back to work, I think I have scared everyone. By being honest and open about my diagnosis I believe I have created an awkward situation with myself and others. There was only two reasons why I told others

1. I  got the call telling me I had breast cancer while I was working. So three or four co workers knew right away. It was my intent to let all those who I worked with on a daily basis know the truth. (Trying to curb the rumour mill)

2. In documenting this journey, maybe someone who was in a similar situation might not feel alone.
So I think that it has backfired as I am now dealing with those who are uncomfortable to be around me, physically that is. Too bad. I kind of need them right now.

For those who have asked, the rotator cuff tear is still an issue, I battle using one hand while typing and other things (try getting dressed or even drying yourself after showering with one hand) but slowly I am getting things done. My appointment with my orthopaedic surgeon on February 8th can not come fast enough.

So for those of you who are scared to approach me, please don't. I won't talk about cancer or my shoulder injury, I will talk about music or the weather or whatever you choose. We can avoid the word cancer and just talk about happy things! I promise!