The bad news from last week....

When I called the cancer clinic last Tuesday morning to get the schedule for my radiation therapy, I was told that it had'nt been completed yet. "We will call you soon, I promise" An hour later I received a call from my radiation oncologist. My schedule for radiation had been set and he wanted to make sure I was at the cancer centre at 2:20pm Wednesday November 18th. Sweet....finally a start date!! Then he mentions that he had been reviewing my mammograms over the past 12 years and noticed a mass developing on my other breast which disturbed him. Ok, so now what? Another mammogram and ultrasound! Later on that day the cancer clinic calls to inform me of my start date. When I mentioned that Dr MacKillop had already called me, she shouts 'he CALLED you? He never calls patients!' Great, time to get the worry cap back on.

I have spent the last four months being strong, making sure no one sees the fear that I feel...now this. In all honesty, I hadn't really allowed myself to let it sink in. This past weekend was spent doing housework with the music cranked, (hubby hid in the garage) listening to Frampton Comes Alive and thinking of the first time I heard 'do you feel like I do'...it was the winter of 1977,  I just started working at the pool in Amherstview when it opened in August 1976. My friend Shelley Leonard and I car pooled and it was my turn to drive. I remember we were driving south on county road 6 towards Bath Road. Halfway through the song, Shelley says "do you know what he just sang?" This is the part of the song where Pete uses the talk box, which was relatively new at that point. Imagine two 17 yr old girls giggling at the fact that we heard "I wanna f*ck youuuuu", on CKLC AM! 

Yes I digress, my weekend was spent listening to music from the 70's, cleaning my house and crying....yes bawling to the point where my eyes were bloodshot. I kept thinking, is this my last year here? Am I going to find out that this new mass was going to be stage 4 and I only had days to live? Should I be spending my last days cleaning my house? Ok so let's get on Facebook and look though some old pictures. Let's post meaningful things and feel like I'm sharing my feelings with others. Which I did. To excess. Of course I received complaints from at least two people about the mass postings. One I apologized to, one I deleted from my friends list.

Now I'm sure you are waiting for the results from these most recent tests. The ladies who did my Mamo and ultrasound asked 'why are you having these done again?' I explained what the oncologist said, and then the worry crept up on me again. The ultrasound lady left the room and returned 10 minutes later with a tall, dark doctor. He sat me down, took my hand, looked in my eyes and told me that all it was was breast tissue. Some people have long stringy tissue and some have knotted ropey tissue. I happened to be the latter. I had nothing to worry about. I need to focus on my radiation treatments. I need to cool my jets. Wow!! I just felt like I used up one of my nine lives!

So crisis diverted. That was yesterday, this is today and tomorrow I start my 'rads' ... as they are called. I am kind of scared and kind of anxious and am still overwhelmed by the support I am receiving. My 'friend' at work (who has offered to drive me to said appointments) created a spreadsheet with all the dates of my radiation treatments, added her name as well as two of her co-workers, to the different days that they were available  and has asked me to fill in the times that I will need to leave the building for my treatment. How humbling this whole experience is. 

Now its time to relax a bit before bed. I need a good sleep before tomorrows 220 pm appointment. Wish me luck!!!