A gift from a friend (I cant stop viewing it)

Late on Monday night, a video was uploaded to my Facebook page. I was sleeping at the time and up and out the door by 6 the next morning, so I didn't get a chance to see it till I got to work. I have posted it below....and I'm still in shock ... Watch it and you will see why! Thank you guys, I'm still glowing. (Not from the radiation either)

https://www.facebook.com/GoldwingMusic/videos/909544852466215/

A couple of years ago, a band named Goldwing came over to Amherst Island to do a radio show. They brought their instruments, their fans and their out-of-this-world-music to the barn that night. I fell in love with them instantly.

 Over the years I have had the pleasure of watching them play numerous times in various venues. Just a few weeks ago they were invited not once, but twice to the Canada's Walk of Fame in Toronto. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of them for this incredible double-Bill:)

Just a brief mention on what has been happening to me since last weekend: on and off  'unrelenting' back, arm and shoulder pain. At first I  thought it was a re-do of an old injury, but after morphine and my massage therapist talented hands couldn't eliminate it, I went to emerg on the advice of my radiation oncologist. It turns out to be a pinched nerve in my neck that seems to be brought on by the uncomfortable position my right arm had to be in during radiation. So I'm off work for at least a week, trying different pain killers, exercises and heat and after 27 hours since that diagnosis, it is starting to subside, but I can't lift my arm. I am confident things will be different in the morning. I have followed doctors orders and sat and watched Netflix all day today. That's it; and laundry. Hubby ran away for a night at the deer camp so I'm all alone. It was so nice to get a phone call from my son tonight. It lifts my spirits just to hear his voice.

So it has taken me all week to create this blog post...perhaps I better invest in voice software till I can use my right arm for typing again. (I've been told that using the iPad is fine)

Back to the heating pad. Enjoy your weekend everyone. 

The Church Christmas Bazaar - Saturday November 21, 2015

Yes, it is an annual event....the wee church where my parents were married, I was baptized into, Bill and I married at and Bryce was christened into. My childhood friend Laurie, our friend Wendy and Laurie's Mom Barb seem to make this an annual event. This year was different, the same ladies were on door, the same ladies were serving on the floor, the same types of sandwiches were on the tables and the same fancy tea cups were at their appropriate places...something just wasn't the same! This basement was where I spent every Sunday for the first 14 years of my life. Sunday School, where every second word I heard was "SHHHHHH"  as apparently I was loud and the sound filtered up through the floor and into the main church area.  Something just seemed different this year and I was trying to put a finger on what it was. Then it happened, the first of the apron ed church ladies addressed me with a big hug, then questioned, in a concerned voice "How are you feeling?" Ah yes, there it was, this is the first time I had brought my cancer into the church. That was the difference; last year and all the years prior, I wasn't the one with cancer. I told everyone who asked that I was doing well, that treatment was tiring but I only had 22 left. It was so nice to see and talk to old friends and friends of my parents. Then I spied my Aunt Dianne, my Moms sister. She was helping out on the baked goods table. I went over to talk to her, as crowded as the area was. I couldn't get to her to hug her as there was a big long table between us, but I held her hands and told her I was doing ok. She said she knew, as other people who were on facebook were keeping her updated. Then she said "You know, I pray for you every day, and your name is on our prayer list here at the church"  That's where I lost it...the tears started slipping out, and I quickly wiped them before others could see.

Once I got back to my table and sat down, another childhood friend Michelle and her sister Cindy appeared. I had toughened up by then so when Michelle also mentioned that she prayed for me everyday, I was able to thank her sincerely, no tears, no Kleenex:) This year we didn't go for our usual walk through the cemetery, where Barb told us stories about some of the people that are buried there. We traveled on to Bath Public School for the big craft sale that was happening. The school was packed with vendors and silent auctions and all sorts of goodies. I even ran into a friend from Amherst Island there who invited me to a Kitchen Party at her house tonight:) Then a wave of something hit me and I was instantly tired. So I bailed. Not very nice of me, but I did explain to Laurie and she understood.

This seems like the longest week ever. Starting off with the scary mammogram and ultrasound on Monday and ending with a two hour visit at the cancer center yesterday. The sweet lady who is driving me everyday surprised me with a gift as I was getting out of her car yesterday afternoon. I didn't look to see what it was as I kept thinking, "How in the name of God can I ever repay her?" and now a gift? Then I realized that paying her back is not what it is about. Its the BIG picture: You reap what you sow!  She will go to heaven, that is a fact! As I walked in the door I heard someone calling my name, it was my friend Miguel's Mom, Sarah. She had just finished her radiation treatment for the day and was waiting for her ride home. Sarah also had breast cancer, but she had to have chemo and radiation treatments. What a strong, brave lady she is. After my treatment I had my weekly meeting with the Radiation Oncologist; unfortunately he wasn't there so I met with his Nurse Practitioner, Carole. She noticed that after three treatments my skin was starting to re-act already. She advised ditching the bra and buying men's small 100% cotton undershirts.  Which I did today, how silly they look on me. This will be interesting to see how they will look under my work clothes!

In the midst of what was a very crazy week, a friend spotted my mug in the Heritage newspaper. The picture was taken while we were waiting for the Wolfe Island Ferry to arrive back at her slip a few weeks ago:

I am trying to decide if I can stay awake long enough to enjoy the kitchen party tonight. My friend Judy is catching the 630 boat so I have to let her know by 5 if I'm going. Do I have time for a nap?

The bad news from last week....

When I called the cancer clinic last Tuesday morning to get the schedule for my radiation therapy, I was told that it had'nt been completed yet. "We will call you soon, I promise" An hour later I received a call from my radiation oncologist. My schedule for radiation had been set and he wanted to make sure I was at the cancer centre at 2:20pm Wednesday November 18th. Sweet....finally a start date!! Then he mentions that he had been reviewing my mammograms over the past 12 years and noticed a mass developing on my other breast which disturbed him. Ok, so now what? Another mammogram and ultrasound! Later on that day the cancer clinic calls to inform me of my start date. When I mentioned that Dr MacKillop had already called me, she shouts 'he CALLED you? He never calls patients!' Great, time to get the worry cap back on.

I have spent the last four months being strong, making sure no one sees the fear that I feel...now this. In all honesty, I hadn't really allowed myself to let it sink in. This past weekend was spent doing housework with the music cranked, (hubby hid in the garage) listening to Frampton Comes Alive and thinking of the first time I heard 'do you feel like I do'...it was the winter of 1977,  I just started working at the pool in Amherstview when it opened in August 1976. My friend Shelley Leonard and I car pooled and it was my turn to drive. I remember we were driving south on county road 6 towards Bath Road. Halfway through the song, Shelley says "do you know what he just sang?" This is the part of the song where Pete uses the talk box, which was relatively new at that point. Imagine two 17 yr old girls giggling at the fact that we heard "I wanna f*ck youuuuu", on CKLC AM! 

Yes I digress, my weekend was spent listening to music from the 70's, cleaning my house and crying....yes bawling to the point where my eyes were bloodshot. I kept thinking, is this my last year here? Am I going to find out that this new mass was going to be stage 4 and I only had days to live? Should I be spending my last days cleaning my house? Ok so let's get on Facebook and look though some old pictures. Let's post meaningful things and feel like I'm sharing my feelings with others. Which I did. To excess. Of course I received complaints from at least two people about the mass postings. One I apologized to, one I deleted from my friends list.

Now I'm sure you are waiting for the results from these most recent tests. The ladies who did my Mamo and ultrasound asked 'why are you having these done again?' I explained what the oncologist said, and then the worry crept up on me again. The ultrasound lady left the room and returned 10 minutes later with a tall, dark doctor. He sat me down, took my hand, looked in my eyes and told me that all it was was breast tissue. Some people have long stringy tissue and some have knotted ropey tissue. I happened to be the latter. I had nothing to worry about. I need to focus on my radiation treatments. I need to cool my jets. Wow!! I just felt like I used up one of my nine lives!

So crisis diverted. That was yesterday, this is today and tomorrow I start my 'rads' ... as they are called. I am kind of scared and kind of anxious and am still overwhelmed by the support I am receiving. My 'friend' at work (who has offered to drive me to said appointments) created a spreadsheet with all the dates of my radiation treatments, added her name as well as two of her co-workers, to the different days that they were available  and has asked me to fill in the times that I will need to leave the building for my treatment. How humbling this whole experience is. 

Now its time to relax a bit before bed. I need a good sleep before tomorrows 220 pm appointment. Wish me luck!!!

Now that I have my schedule for the start of my Radiation Treatments, its time to make a plan.

Fourteen days after I spoke to my Radiation Oncologist, I received the call with my start date: Wednesday November 18th at 220pm. I managed to get my hours arranged at work and I was told that they are trying to get my upcoming appointments to be at the end of the day (between 3 & 4pm) I called Wheels of Hope (a service who drives people to their treatments) and was told that there was a $100.00 registration fee. That's fine, I was willing to pay $4.00 a trip. Then also mentioned that sometimes the rides don't show up and you must have a back up plan. Unfortunately I don't have a back up plan; hubby has used up all his 'sick' time from work this year so besides walking, I would have to take a cab. No doubt you are wondering "why can't she walk? It's only 7 blocks" I probably would, but my treatment is under my right arm. I'm a big girl. 'Nuff said?

Now, how do I get there? I posted on the online 'bulliten board" at work but no bites. So I posted on Facebook earlier today. I had a ride within minutes. Now there have been numerous offers of drives to treatment from the fine citizens of Bath and Amhrstview ( and even Amherst island) but I couldn't see the point of someone driving 27 km to pick me up to drive me down the street. King Street East is what I look at all day long and it only made sense to me to catch a ride who someone who was already travelling that way. So probably 15 minutes after my Facebook post, an angel who I scarcely know, from work, sent me a private message and offered her help. I advised it wouldn't be the same time every day and she said she was fine with that. This is a person I believe I have talked to (face to face) three times since I started at Empire. She explained that if  she couldn't drive me, there were others in her department that could. How could I ever thank her?? She asked me to pay it forward...which I will!! I am still tearing up as I think of her generosity.

It is amazing the stuff that pops in your head when diagnosed with a critical illness. It started when I had to take training about the Critical Illness benefit that we offer through Empire. I had mixed feelings about attending the one hour session; unfortunately I knew more about this particular benefit than most in the room. Not by choice. When the conversation switched to mortality due to CI (critical illness) I swallowed hard and spaced out a bit. It was like I was floating over the table, tuning out the conversation and going back in time. There I was, a 7 year old girl, holding a fishing pole in the dark on the Millhaven Ferry Dock. My Dad helped me reel in a 7 lb pike as my Auntie Mae hooked into an old boot. We dragged them up on the dock at the same time. It was so dark at 430am so she thought she had caught a whopper. When the flash light shone on that boot, we all howled in laughter!! Why did that pop in my head? Maybe I subconsciously was thinking that I would be hanging out with Auntie Mae again soon?  Or my Dad, or my Mom. Wait...I'm going to survive this,...right? I'm not ready to go. But every time I see a friend now, I want to hug them and tell them what they mean to me; just in case I don't see them again. Yep, this is the pike:

Well, there. That's out of my head and down in print. My apologies for the prattling; this is my form of therapy;)

Now go enjoy your weekend!!!!

Four months since the dreaded diagnosis date

I just realized this afternoon that it has been 4 months today since I received that awful call AT work informing me I had breast cancer, Yes I know...what a place and a way to find out. It was partially my fault as I had bought a new cell phone on the Friday before that (while on holidays) and apparently my (new) family doctor was trying to contact me. How ironic that the four hours that I had no active cell phone, they were trying to call me! So this is part of the reason why I could not keep this a secret...my co-workers knew so I figured I should let all those around me know so there would be NO rumors - just facts. A few people have told me I should be keeping my trap shut; that I am alarming others by telling them. Sorry, that's not how I roll.

Since then I have had a plethora of tests, scans, blood work as well as one tumor and 5 lymph nodes removed. Long story short, the cancer was found in a lymph node inside my right breast which is the reason that I will need to endure 25 rounds of radiation - 30-45 minutes at a time. I also get to take a drug called Tamoxifen for ten years. (This drug not only brings on hot flashes, insomnia & depression but increases the chance of obtaining other forms of cancer.) The type of breast cancer I had was classified as 'aggressive', however a test was sent off to California which determined that chemo would only decrease my chances of re-occurrence by less than 2%. Without radiation my chances of re-occurrence are 1 in 3, with radiation it is 1 in 10. Four months later and I am still waiting for my radiation schedule. hopefully this week they will call me as its kind of close to the holidays.

So if you run into me somewhere, and are wondering why I have half washed-out pink and mostly grey hair, that would be due to the Run For The Cure I was in last month. At that time I didn't know if I had to have chemo or not so I figured I was going to loose my hair anyways so I bribed a friend to dye it bright PINK for me! Unfortunately the type of hair dye we used can not be covered over so its there for a few months. Apparently that is the least of my worries, but a very close friend has helped me put this whole situation into perspective. I may have a one in ten chance of getting breast cancer again but any one of you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. (Yes I know, I too can get hit by a bus, but this is what I need to keep thinking, each and every day)

So far I have kept working as much as I can, (my employer has been amazing) trying to get outside and walk a bit and always maintaining a positive attitude. My circle of friends have been a God send and I really am so fortunate to have them in my corner. Some days are better than others, but I force the smile on my face every day an focus on all the the GREAT things that have happened to me over the last 55 years. As I mentioned before, and I will say it again and again - I will BEAT this. I am positive of that!

*** editors note: This blog was written to get a few things out of my head as my own form of self-medication. My apologies if any of it upsets you. This will continue, at least until I am no longer able to type.