Living each day to the fullest.....

Recently, a childhood friend of mine asked me if I felt a story coming on about our fragile existence. She is going through an awful time with her father who is in a home and suffering from Alzheimer's disease. Witnessing such a tragic event must be devastating, to say the least. To add to that, she is also loosing people to cancer and heart disease in her own demographic. Did we ever think we would get to this time of our lives where are friends are passing away?

Well Roxanne, I didn't feel the need to write when you first approached me, but these past few weeks have certainly changed my mind. One of my dear friends (who just successfully beat breast cancer for the third time) lost her Mom to cancer on March 17th and just last week I have discovered a new friend of mine is battling Ovarian Cancer. Add to that, the 2 year old daughter of one of my ex-co-workers is battling a form of juvenile leukemia. Now it feels close to home. Way close. So I need to write...

When I was nine, my Grandfather Guthrie passed away from cancer. Up to that point, I had never known anyone who had passed away. I didn't understand why people seemed to be so happy at his funeral. Later on I was told because grandpa wasn't in pain anymore. That made sense, in my 9 year old mind, although I was still sad that he was gone.

Fast forward 1975 - I am in Grade 10 at Napanee District Secondary School, my new 'Townie" friend Deb Magold, convinces me to skip school & go to Wartmans Funeral Home with her. A friend of hers had died in a car accident and she wanted to go see him. All I remember of that visit, was the pale, see-through skin and how I felt that I had seen a ghost. It was terrifying and unforgettable. If memory serves, this young man took his own life by driving off the road and into the North Channel of Lake Ontario. What seemed so unbelievable was that this victim was not much older than myself. How could THAT happen?

Over the years, I have had a few friends pass away, as well as grandparents and my own parents; but the majority of them were all over 50. Understandable. But not when it comes to people *my* age. I thought I was going to live forever...I thought my friend Rhonda Woodcock once told me that we were 'bullet-proof'! Did she lie to me?

Now that I am over 50, as are most of my friends, it appears we no longer have a lifetime ahead of us. When I think back on some of the crazy stunts I pulled in my youth, it is truly amazing that I am still here to talk about it. Even though the world was a different place when I was growing up, something always made me want to push my limits. Maybe I somehow knew that it was the right time to explore and experience life....before marriage, before adulthood. I have no regrets. I managed to find my life mate and have had a good life. Many are not as fortunate.

If you are looking for the moral of this story, I would have to say that it is to live life to the fullest.
Call or email an old friend...don't keep saying "We need to get together" and not take steps to make it happen. Do things that you always planned on doing, but kept putting off. I will take my own advice, as I am not getting any younger:)

An chance encounter with an *old* friend:)

Last night I ran into a long lost friend. We had not seen each other since 1980. Unfortunately I didn't recognize him at first...until he spoke. How odd that I can identify voices better than I can faces or names.

In 30 years this man has built his career to a position of prominence and respect. But to me, he is still just Andy! In a short time, we both managed to re-cap our lives and shared some delightful old memories of our years being schooled in a two-roomed school-house. We spent the first 5 grades being taught by Nuns; then in Grade 6 we were 'blessed' with a young male teacher named John Burke. He was fresh out of teachers college and he certainly made a huge impression on all of our young minds. "Mr Burke" spent hours playing football and baseball with us. No doubt these were things that the Nuns were not allowed to do. One of the things that I remember most about his unique teaching abilities was how he blended modern music into our education. How unheard of in that day and age...especially at a Catholic (or as they called it then: Separate) School. I remember learning all about Jesus Christ Superstar and thinking how cool it was to twist the ancient words of the gospel in with music of the era. I also remember listening to the Rolling Stones song Brown Sugar and trying to interrupt the lyrics. Perhaps this man was the one who developed my intense craving for music? 

So getting back to Andy...he had moved out West when most of my friends from the area did and I don't think I have seen him since. It is ironic that was our (Billy's and mine)plan as well! Bill's Mom asked if we could get married before we flew the coup, so I asked Bill to make an honest woman out me and we got married 6 months later. By that time, Bill had a good paying job with his brother in an auto parts store and I had started my short lived career in radio. This was our reasoning for staying 'at home'. As I said to Andy last night, I didn't think I had a choice to leave Bath :) My grandparents and parents worked so hard to make our village a better place to live...someone had to stay to enjoy these virtues. Many times I wonder what life would have been like had we moved out West.  Would I have come back 'home' often? Would my hometown be a place I would have been so proud to be from? Would we have still had only one child? Would I still have been working in the radio business and would Billy have found his fame and fortunate in the oil fields? Maybe I would have crossed paths with Andy sooner, instead of later. 

As we chatted last night, I asked him about his life & what it was like living so far from 'home'. He mentioned how proud he was of his wife and children & that the prairies were 'home' for his wife. That was when he said how lucky *I* was to still be here...still able to take in the beauty of great lake every day and the ability to stay in close contact with those we had known since childhood. I have to agree, he had a point. I spend every weekend with those I have known forever. So as Andy gets ready to travel back to his home, I will think of him fondly and hope his short trip 'home' was rewarding and filled with pleasant memories of a childhood in a much different world than we live in today! Thanks for the memories Mr McG :)

2012 - almost 1/6 completed.

And this is my first blog of the year. I have no excuse as I have completed nothing since the xmas holidays. In fact, I have been quite a sloth. This must change. Perhaps I am stretching the truth somewhat. I have fulfilled my requirements of the United Way Citizen Advisory Committee in the past month. So that is something. A LOMA course through work has also commenced and I will be starting a French course soon. Oh yes, and I forgot that I have set a schedule for my return to CJAI in May. (hint hint Jim Elyot, Greg Hunter & Chris St Clair) Next on the agenda is buying a new bathing suit and pool membership and get my body moving again. We have taken the plunge and become pet owners again. We adopted a 7 month old kitten named Cindy Lou and she has already developed the same kleptomaniac ways that our last cat Jethro had! We are so happy to be a complete family again. It seemed empty without a feline in the house. This winter has been an odd one. The North Channel froze for less than 48 hours and the geese, ducks, swans and seagulls are still hanging around like its mid October. In fact, why we dragged the dock and the boat out of the water still doesn't make sense. The count down is on for summer holidays. I have all but one day booked and cant wait to start on the May 24 weekend! There are many that have to travel down south to make it through the winter, I wish to spend my money here at home. And besides, I can barely keep up to my property taxes so I cant afford a trip down South:) Enjoy the long weekend everybody. I plan on studying and relaxing. Isn't that what family day is all about?

 

And its over !!!

Yes, I made it through the holiday they call Christmas. I smiled, I laughed and I stayed as positive as I could through the whole day. You are welcome!

Friday night I started a new tradition of doing a radio show over on Amherst Island. And what a delight it was to join my friend Erin Merry and her niece Emily Merry for our first " Merry - Christmas " show. We both brought some tunes and even played some requests. I had not been in the studio for a few months, so it was nice to have some of my old listeners back:) It felt good, which actually made me smile. Things were starting to change.

I never left the house on Saturday. My day was spent cleaning and baking. In between, there were visits with a couple of close friends...tea and sweets were had and hugs were exchanged. They knew what a hard time I was having, and they were there for support. Many thanks to them for understanding and not lecturing:)

Sunday commenced with exchanging gifts with my hubby and having a delicious breakfast consisting of bacon and Irish Creme Pancakes:) I got a beautiful book on the history of Lennox and Addington County, which I am having a hard time putting down. The afternoon and evening were spent at my cousins house for Christmas dinner. It was a blast to connect with many of my Aunts, Uncles and cousins that I only see a few times a year.

The absolute BEST day of the holiday had to be Monday - Boxing Day. We traveled to Toronto to visit with our son and his 'zoo' :) Upon arrival, we were greeted with Bryce holding onto a little chiwawa named Nu Nu....he said "Merry Christmas ... here is your gift!" and held her out to us. I barked NO WAY, and he started laughing. He went onto explain that he was dog sitting for the girl who lives downstairs. Whew...

Dorrie (our oldest grand dog) was so excited to see us, but couldn't keep her snout out of the gift bag with her gift(s) in it:) Jacob (the black great dane) was all over me when he realized I had treats. We had a great afternoon visiting and exchanging gifts. Bryce's freezer is now full of a month's worth of baking...hope he enjoys all that sweetness!

After being trapped in the automated parking lot (long story) we 'escaped' to Yonge Dundas Square for some sight-seeing and lunch at Milestones. It was lovely - and the view was captivating. The mass of people down below made us realize how lucky we were to live in our small Village that only has that many people in it on July 1st:)

We stopped to take pictures at the rink at Ryerson University. It was so great to hug my little boy again. He has been gone from under our roof for over 10 years, but never far from our hearts. We can't wait till he comes down for a Summer visit with the Grand Dogs:)

After yesterday, I feel like I have the ability to embrace the New Year and all the joy and goodness it will bring to us all.

Thank You for allowing me to vent as well as be unique in my distaste for the end-of-December holiday season.

Count Down to the day after Christmas !!

Every year, people look forward to this thing they call Christmas. Personally, I could do without it. People have been jamming the whole "try and remember all the good times you had"! Bahhh Shall I just blurt it all out here so I can point everyone to my blog to read.

Shall I clarify:

When I was 5, being an only child, I acted badly and my father boxed up all my presents and gave them away to a charity. I remember looking out my bedroom window and seeing all my toys in a big box on the front doorstep.

When I was 24, my father, who had been missing for over a year, arrived on my doorstep. Ten minutes later he walked away from me and I never saw him again, till he was on his deathbed.

When I was 26, my mother re-married. We were forced to share our xmas meals with another family. They made sure we knew that we were intruders.

When I was 42 my mother passed away. 13 days before xmas. Her husband wasn't even there....we couldn't find him. It was just my brother and I and reverend Andrew in the room with her. Two days after the funeral I had the joyous task of wrapping all of our families xmas gifts that she had purchased a month earlier. A year later, her 2nd husband re-married, sold his house he shared with her and confiscated her belongings. Many of them were things that my parents had saved for years to purchase.

Now, please tell me where I can find any type of JOY when it comes to December 25th? The only thing I look forward to is the day after...

Three hours of baking ...

And I believe I still have more to do, but that can wait till next weekend!

Let me talk about the rewarding experience I had, working for the United Way. This is not the first time I have had the good fortunate to work for this agency. In 2009 I was awarded the position of "Loaned Representative" from my employer, Assurant Solutions. They pay my wages, as well as any additional gas I spend in running errands, deliver packages or attending functions. It is normally a one-time-only position, but for some reason, they decided I should return for a second term. I was giddy when I was told. In fact I had tears in my eyes when I was informed I was the successful candidate for the 2011 campaign.

Even though I had completed the two week training course in 2009, I went through it again, as a few things had changed. They had added 4 different components of actual volunteer work. We spend half a day painting four different rooms at 2 different group homes. I cant paint if my life depended on it, but the people in charge thought my handy work was quite acceptable. We also spent an afternoon harvesting vegetables at one of the local community gardens. As soon as it was picked, it was delivered to those in need. An afternoon was also spent at the Food Bank. They were just ramping up for the Food Sharing Project. This is where each school in our county orders food for the many children who come in to school with empty stomachs and no lunch. The philosophy of this program is that children can only learn if they have some sort of nourishment. It still chokes me up to think of children going to school without eating breakfast and not having a lunch. Heartbreaking!

Another event we attended as part of our Loaned Rep training was the "Seeing is Believing Tour". This is where a group of employees from local businesses who support the United Way jump on a city bus and travel to four different United Way Funded Agencies. One of the stops was at "Lunch By George". I had been here before; two years prior. The first time effected me greatly. I blogged it as well as copying and sending to a few friends and acquaintances via facebook and email. Here is a clip of what I wrote: (August 20th, 2009)



....Next on the list was Lunches by George. A 'soup kitchen' type environment which started 10 years ago at St Georges Cathedral. There were 5 people there for 'lunch' when they first opened. Yesterday, there was over 40 clients there for a meal at 11am. Many tried to sit alone, as we were told that this was basically the only time they had by themselves, if they came from a shelter, or living on the street. (one of the men's shelters consists of 8 beds in a SINGLE room) There was one man sitting with his back turned to us and a big gold bible by his side. He sat with his head bowed, perhaps in prayer; more than likely trying to hide his shame. It was hard not to look around at the lineup for the kitchen window that was developing. I tried my hardest to pay attention to what the director of the program was saying, but my mind was elsewhere. How in the name of God could this be happening in the city of Kingston? My face flushed with the shame I was feeling. The biggest worry I had that day was getting my housework done before my husband and I spent our weekend boating on lake Ontario. What a spoiled person I have become. Cripes...at least I have a roof over my head...how could I be so petty?


So lets fast-forward to 2011. Once again we visited Lunch By George. There were 70+ people awaiting their meal. Many I recognized from my first visit. The bible man was there, but he looked different. He had on a nice pair of jeans and a button down shirt that seemed to instill some sort of magic. The bible man was sitting up straight, face up and smiling. The campaign slogan of the 2009 United Way Campaign was "Bring about some CHANGE" It had happened for him. Here I thought I would skim through my training, this time, without emotion. Not so much.

The fifteen weeks flew by and everyday was a new experience. This time around I was able to walk to a lot of the functions I had to attend. This meant I was able to park at the Ukranian Church lot with the rest of the Loaned Reps. Last time I had to take one the accessible parking spots at the United Way Office. I had a new knee installed the summer previous and I was proud to be able to walk along with my co-workers and not have to drive to an event that was only 10 blocks away.

Because I had been there before, I was developing solid friendships with many of the people who worked for United Way, as well as the other people who they shared building space with. This spilled over to the agencies we frequented. Most Wednesdays we walked up to the Boys & Girls club at the old Robert Meek School. They put on a $5.00 lunch and all proceeds were donated to the United Way. We got to know the people who cooked there, as well as the ones who worked in the Youth Diversion Program and The Music Lending Library. All good folk who I felt good about getting to know.

It felt like the time flew, and next thing you know we are preparing for the touchdown breakfast at the Ambassador. All of the Loaned Reps were not looking forward to returning to their old jobs...except for me. A new position had opened up in my department and upon my return, I would be involved in on-the-job training.

So in conclusion, I need to express my gratitude for the chance to give of myself and be part of an outstanding team of individuals who have and will make a CHANGE in our community. Once again, this is an experience I will carry with me forever.

It appears I have ignored you BloggyBlog

Yes, August was my last post. I have lived an entire LIFE since that time. If cat's have 9 lives; I just used up an entire one from mid-august to the beginning of December. While working a secondment with our Local United Way, I realized what it was like to live as the person I was born to be. I plan on blogging about it, when I get the time to elaborate.

Today is December 17th and the few Christmas pressies I need to purchase have been acquired. I'm ready. The worst season ever; the one I dread; the one that actually creates stress and anxiety in my world.

I feel the need to vent....I will be back:)

Yes I know...its *only* a cat

The story of Jethro:

It was a brutally cold -24C day, January 12th 2003 when this little ball of blonde fur was huddled on our doorstep. I opened the door to see this little shaking face staring up at me with those bright green eyes. It had been exactly one month to the day that my mother had passed away. Due to the fact that Mum always said she would come back as a cat, I took this first encounter as a sign.

To say our 7 year old cat Emmy was miffed was an understatement. All of a sudden she was sharing a home with this extremely famished, bundle of energy. We pondered taking ‘it’ to the Humane Society, as no one on our street knew where ’it’ came from. Someone mentioned that the teenager next door to us had brought it home from a party but his Mom wouldn’t let him keep it. Dealing with grief plus trying to maintain some sort of normalcy after loosing a parent, I didn’t think I would have time to train a kitten. After much convincing from the hubby, son and friends, I decided to keep the little scamp. After all, my Mom was a blonde too. So after naming *her* Mae (Mom’s middle name) I thought I better make a trip to our local vet to get her checked out. Our local Vet knew my Mom and was tearing up as I told the tale of how my Mom wanted to return as a feline. Everyone in our Village knew my mother as she was our local council representative in the newly formed Loyalist Township. The vet didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he informed us that we need to change this kitty’s name as she was a he !! Once we got him back home and he dove for the food, bowling over our other cat, we both looked at each other decided “Jethro” was his name. As in the man-child on the Beverly hillbillies who never stops eating. The name stuck.

As our cats were always indoors, they were quite excited when we moved to our lakefront house in June 2007 & Billy built them a huge glassed in deck! The original intention was for our viewing pleasure however I am convinced the cats thought it was their oversized playground.

Imagine my surprise when Jethro dragged a small field mouse up the stairs and deposited it at my feet early one morning. Number one, how did it get in the basement…and secondly, how the heck did he catch it? He had never been outside long enough to learn the ropes of catching wildlife? I captured the mouse and threw it over the deck. He was so upset that I wouldn’t allow him the pleasure of mauling it to death.

Billy ended up putting a cat door in our front aluminum door that leads to the deck. Just so that the cats could let themselves in and out when we were home. Unfortunately this great idea backfired when the big guy took a hankering to dragging in June Bugs, giant moths and dragonflies. Just because he felt he needed to show us his new friends. Once again he surprised me last summer when he brought in a baby bird. My only justification of this capture was that the bird flew into our bedroom window, bounced back and landed in his open mouth, as he was yawning.

Last summer we made a trip to Lowes in Belleville to find a chaise lounge for me. This ended up in the purchase of his and her lawn chairs. The ‘his and her’ was intended for Mr and Mrs Christmas, however, Jethro thought that we bought them for him. He happily held down a chair every day.

Since I was a young child I have always had a cat in my life. My mother loved cats and we always had a house full of them. Cats, like dogs give love unconditionally. They comfort you when you are sad and lift your spirits when they greet you at the door every night. Whenever I pulled in the driveway, Billy would shout “Mommy’s home” and he would always run to greet me.

This cat meant so much to me. When he fell asleep in my arms on Friday morning, I felt like I was loosing my mother all over again.

Billy built a casket for the big fellah. We buried him with his favourite brush and his stuffed dragonfly.

RIP Jethro. We will meet again on the Rainbow Bridge.

Living in a box

For some strange reason, today appears to be a time of self-reflection.

Recently I happened upon an occasion where I had to think outside the box. Yes, outside the walls of my desk!! Anyone who has worked in a call centre, knows exactly what I mean. For so many years my working hours have been spent in front of a monitor, or two. Always following protocol, abiding by call times and following a very strict schedule. In this environment, it is oftentimes hard to think any other way but what you have been conditioned to.

Considering that short of a 12 month stint at an Amherstview apartment complex in 1980, I have always lived at the same postal code. My address always been the same 6 digits: k0h1g0. In fact, Canadian postal codes weren't implemented till I was 11! (cripes, I am older than postal codes) I marred a man who grew up less than 2 miles from my childhood residence. Looking back, I am somewhat embarrassed to say I still spend every weekend with the people I have known since childhood. I did not roam far from home.

Many times I am tempted to start writing about the unique bond I have with these people. It would take ages to organize, and I am unsure if anyone would be interested in reading about our lives, besides ourselves. Keep that thought for the mental bucket list I guess.

Getting back to the original subject of this blog, thinking outside of the box. Why do I find this so hard? My father’s family have constantly steered from the norm by creating jobs that suited their personalities. My great-grandfather, on my fathers side was a gardener. He was paid for working in the gardens at Casa Loma. How sweet is that? His son, my Grandfather Les Beazer lived at Casa Loma with his family between 1941-1948. They had the good fortune of becoming the care-takers there. Imagine growing up in a castle in the middle of the city of Toronto in the 1940’s? My grandparents later started up a flower stall at the St Lawrence Market in Toronto. My father and my aunt Bella also followed into the flower-peddler path of life. They were paid for doing what they loved. Life has changed.

And I digress …

Being a child of the 60’s, I was raised in the catholic school system and spent my teen aged years being educated in the fine art of politics. That last sentence makes it sound so much more refined than it was. My parents both believed in volunteering all their free time to work for local candidates in both federal and provincial elections. Both spent years as councilors of the local municipal government of the Village of Bath. I followed along. Abiding by the rules of the almighty Roman Catholic Church, rubbing elbows with the Premier of Ontario and local members of parliament on many social occasions, my life fit into the ‘box’ that my parents created.

Fast forward: I go to college, get a job in my field & get married all in less than two years. The child comes one year & one month after marriage. (for those counting) Then we buy our first house. Still following the life path expected of me. My friends do the same. We work, we raise our children, we exist in the community our parents have helped create for us. Many of us join volunteer organizations and carry on the *good* things our parents have shown us to be worthy of our extra time.

Now at the age of 51 I have been asked to think outside the box that I have lived in. Why do I find this so tough? Is it that I am afraid to veer of the path I believe that I was destined to follow? Is it possible for me to be anything more than a mother/wife/phone-answerer?

Time will tell.